It's the #sandwichGeneration #healthcare #bureaucracy-palooza today!
Q: Why was my uncle's home care downgraded from 24x7 to 9x7 without explanation?
A: (after quite a while on the phone with the insurance co. and aide agency) Either the aide agency misunderstood the authorization letter or it was written wrong; the insurance co. sent a new letter. Problem solved.
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visiting my parents, checking in on how my Dad's cognitive decline is going and it's not as bad as I was imagining, but also it's real.
I'm working on a lot of stuff for online publicity for my Dad's latest/last book and I'm so sad to realize that really I'm doing it even more for my Mom than for my Dad because although he will REALLY appreciate it, it's clear things aren't being processed in the way they used to. She is so happy that I'm doing this publicity work with (for) him.
I go there tomorrow to be with them in person to see how they're really doing.
How bittersweet. My dad just sent me a blog post to publish for him and he mentions his cognitive issues. It’s a really good post. I’ll share it in a bit. #AgingParents #dementia #SandwichGeneration #DeathAndDying
super sad moment when my Dad sent a blog post for me to publish for him and I have to ask him about what he's saying (what's he trying to say, bc he doesn't make it clear). this is the first time since his cognitive issues began that I've seen it in his writing.
#AgingParents #dementia #SandwichGeneration #DeathAndDying
Skip this thread if you don't want to read today's horrifyingly amusing chapter of "remote IT support for elderly parents." If you're younger than I am, just remember that unless your parents have a tech-friendly attitude now and have displayed the ability to figure out tech stuff on their own, some day this may be you trying to help your parents over the phone from a different state.
#elderCare #sandwichGeneration #techSupport1/18
Continued thread
I wish I could count on my brother (who lives 20 min from my parents) to give me updates. He doesn't want to see that anything's wrong, so he won't.
From two hours away, with only email and the occasional call for the last few weeks, it feels like my Dad is slipping fast (cognitively). I need to get down there to see if I'm misreading his behavior or if he's significantly more easily confused than he was just a month or two ago when we were together in person.
A reminder that so people can mute them, I'll tag all my posts about my parents & my Dad's Alzheimer's with
#AgingParents #dementia #SandwichGeneration #DeathAndDying
Googling says Alzheimer’s prognosis is 3-10 years, as long as 20. My Dad turns 89 this month. Symptoms beyond what seemed like normal aging started about a year ago (as far as I can tell). I wish I knew what to expect as far as speed of decline. I know I’m looking for control that I can’t possibly have. But I’m thinking of the hospice nurses and how they had such good information for me about my uncle, and what was expected.
Continued thread
I, on the other hand, find it comforting to gather information. So I asked my dad to tell me what medication his doctor has put him on. It’s a medication to treat Alzheimer’s. Being at a distance, two hours away, I can’t be sure how things are really going, but the sense I’m getting from email is things are changing quickly. More quickly than they have been in the last year.
Continued thread
This email this week said she didn’t want there to be an elephant in the room we pretended wasn’t there, but she wanted us to be aware she wasn’t going to have her usual terrier-like tenacity understanding all the implications and science behind everything and “what can be done.” She is planning to take everything as it comes and enjoy every single minute with my dad.
As I write about my parents aging, and my dad, in particular, I’m going to use these tags: #AgingParents #dementia #SandwichGeneration #DeathAndDying
My mom sent my brother and I a good email articulating how she’s going to be handling my father aging. When he started showing cognitive issues last year, she was very clear that to discuss things with me when he wasn’t present, made her feel disloyal and that she wouldn’t do that.
My elderly relatives are increasingly unable to handle the nuts and bolts of day-to-day living. They are also to a large extent unable to acknowledge that they're failing at this, ask for help, or accept help when it is offered. I have intense feelings about this.
#aging #elderCare #sandwichGeneration #neuroscience #cognition1/5
Two and a half weeks ago, my uncle's bank texted me about a suspicious charge on his debit card (my phone# is listed as an alternate on his account).
I checked with my uncle, confirmed that charge and several others were fraudulent, and notified the bank. They cancelled his debit card and sent him a new one. I told him they were doing that.
(continued)
#elderCare #sandwichGeneration
Last week there were 2 fraudulent charges on my uncle's debit card.
Today he informed me that he thinks one of his home care aides stole $500 in cash from his apartment. It's possible that he just misplaced it—that's happened before—but it's also possible that whoever put the bogus charges on his card also stole the money. Looks like a pattern, hmm?
People who are supposed to be helping elderly people and steal from them instead are evil.
(more)
#elderCare #sandwichGeneration
A question for folks with elderly parents / loved ones who aren't quite all there anymore mentally:
Nowadays when I call my dad on the phone it often seems like he's going through the motions of having a conversation but not actually having one.
Today's was particularly noticeable. He clearly wasn't absorbing what I was saying to him but he was acting like he was. (see the reply below for more details)
I don't know what to make of it. Any insights?
#ElderCare #dementia #SandwichGeneration
Continued thread
Sharisse Tracey says she always had a sense she would eventually become her mother’s carer. For @damemagazine, she writes movingly about the experience and what she learned. “Here we are in our 50s and 80s still facing the consequences of some ill-advised choices, trying to make the best of them and teach ourselves, each other, and our children to do better.”
https://www.damemagazine.com/2024/07/15/i-prepared-my-whole-life-to-become-my-mothers-caregiver/
Dame Magazine - · I Prepared My Whole Life to Become My Mother’s Caregiver - Dame MagazineI knew the day would come that I would be solely responsible for my mother’s care. It’s a duty I have always dreaded, not because I’m the type to shirk responsibility—like many people in my generation, Generation X, we tend to be responsible for far too many things, far too early in life. Many in
There's a crucial difference between how the hospital vs. the rehab facility treat an "as needed" prescription for pain medication, and that difference really hurt my uncle. 1/4
#HealthCare #ElderCare #SandwichGeneration #Rehab
My elderly, addled father went browsing through his Spam folder today, found a fake, Paypal scam email—again, IN HIS SPAM FOLDER—decided in his addled state "oh no! I need to do something about this charge I didn't make!", called the scammers, and let them convince him to give them access to his computer.
Fortunately I took away his admin access long ago, so I *think* the scammer wasn't able to do any significant damage. I'm confirming now.
#infosec #tech #SandwichGeneration #ElderCare #dementia
If your elderly loved one's mood fluctuates wildly, SERIOUSLY consider whether poor pain management is at the root of it.
When my uncle's pain is really bad, he's completely unmanageable and forgets everything, including forgetting to ask for his pain meds. When he's on a proper maintenance dose he's fine. Pain messes with people's heads. Don't let your people suffer unnecessarily; make the doctors manage the pain properly.
#PSA #SandwichGeneration #ElderlyCare #CareGiver #PainManagement